In the course of life we choose which fork in the road we are going to follow. Most of the time things do not turn out as we planned. Other times, much to our surprise, things go exactly as planned. In reality we all are forced to live with these choices, good or bad. For some of us, the ability to just shrug your shoulders and carry on, never regretting or wondering where the other fork may have led, and live life as expected with little to no worry. Others however constantly look back on what might have been, always remember a time they wish they had done this or that, or went this way instead of that. That in short is the story of my life.
I am one of those that always looks back on what might have been and I tend to dwell on bad decisions from the past. Even though I know in my head that no one cares, mistakes are forgiven, and people just move on. In my head however, the moment tends to always be a thought away, almost like it was yesterday and I have a tendency to relive it over and over again. Like so many others I put on the face and smile, and act like nothing bothers me, but in truth there is always a struggle with things of the past.
It's easy for someone to tell you to just let it go, or its in the past, because in their mind its easy for them to do that, but with people like me, we just cant. Time and time again I have told myself not to worry about it, or not to dwell on it and it will go away for a time, but inevitably it always come racing back once anything happens that closely resembles my memory of the past. Now, I don't act on these memories or cry over them, but they are a constant reminder of mistakes I wish i didn't make, or decisions I wish I had never made. In all honesty, it makes it hard to live with myself every so often.
Recently I came across an old friend on facebook, who happened to be friends with someone who I was close to at one point in time. Of course, memories come slamming back like a freight train and curiosity got the best of me. I needed to see how their life was making out. I dreaded what I might find, scared of how their life may have turned out or the direction it went. Both for my own selfish reasons, and for fear or failure I guess you could say. Then it happened, the text, the pictures, seeing old faces...my heart started to pound as memory after miserable memory filled my head. Just like always my head filled with dread of what I was about to find....until, for some weird reason, suddenly I felt joy, happiness, and a sense of relief.
My life has had many winding roads, but I have a wonderful family. Sure, we all have those moments where we think back about how if we did this different we might be there instead of here. And I think we all have attachment's that never leave you, that have become part of you. So today, I am disappointed but happy at the same time. Happy for that old friend and what their life may lead to now, the memories will never leave, but no longer will I dread them when they come around. Funny how things have a way of working out.
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
Monday, October 14, 2013
Quit your Bitching
Its been awhile since I have sat down and really thought about something to rant about. A lot has changed since last I had a good, anger fueled rant to get my week going. Originally I stated that I would not talk politics, because frankly I do not care about them enough to make an educated decision. However, this morning while drinking my morning coffee at my desk and browsing through yahoo's top stories, I came across a headline that stated that the employee's who are furloughed by our government are finally starting to speak out about how the shutdown is affecting them. First, it is absolutely ridiculous that the most powerful country in the world should be shutdown because law makers can't come to an agreement on how to budget the government; note however that the same people who are causing all this are still getting paid. Alas, that as far into the politics as I will go. My issue is not the government furloughs, our government has been horrible for years so really this is nothing new, my issue is with the sad story's you hear about people being laid off and how much it is effecting there families and blah blah blah about how horrible their lives are now.
I have no sympathy for those laid off or furloughed because of their government positions and having to stay home without pay. I have family that is employed by the government so it's not like I'm not seeing what is happening, but why should I or anyone else feel sorry for them. They chose their career path's just like I chose mine, and they reap the rewards as well as the consequences of their decisions just like I do. What entitles these people who have cushy jobs and get everything handed them the right to bitch about not getting paid? These six figure salaries that they live paycheck to paycheck on because they constantly live outside their means. Why should I care that they can't pay for there $600 car payment because they bought a car that in truth they cant really afford. Truthfully, most people want government jobs, because they pay better and it's good job security.....most of the time.
There is a valid reason why I take exception to those that are crying foul about not getting there six figure salary bi-weekly. Just about 4 years ago my wife gave birth to our first child, a blessing to this day and still the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. Two weeks later I was laid off from my job, and was looking at a 6-12 month layoff before work would become available. I'm was not alone in this burden, there were 600-700 other men out of work with me, all hoping that something would break and we could all start providing for our families again. BUT, there were no articles about us not getting paid, there were no people telling their sob stories about how life is so hard and how we can't afford to put food on the table for our families. We as a collective were men and women with 5 figure salaries who truly live pay check to pay check and do everything possible to live inside out means. Who, once we get a inkling of something good happening, something bad happens right after to make the situation even worse. We were the ones who watched as bills piled up one after another on our kitchen tables and received phone calls about companies seeking payments that we couldn't make. Where were the news crews then, where was the sympathy for us when we sat in out homes shrouded in depression with the constant thought of not being able to make a house payment, put food on the table, possibly loosing their homes, and not being able to provide for their families. You know what we did...We shut the hell up, got up everyday, did what we needed to do, and survived to live another day. We didn't sob and cry about how much we suffered, or how hard it was, we found ways to make shit work, we found ways to put food on the table, we did what we needed to do because that's what real people do, that's what those of us who actually have to work for a living do to survive.
Whats funny about the whole thing is while we suffered, worked, and looked for ways to make ends meet, it was the government workers who could have cared less. Whats really funny, it is the blue collar guys like me, who make the 5 figure salary that are the ones who provided the conditioned, comfortable spaces that the 6 figure salary cry babies work in. If it wasn't for us, and when I say us I mean those that keep the wheels turning, the 6 figure snobs wouldn't have the luxury's they have today. We are the one's who do the dirty work, but were the one's who are looked down upon. So from my point of view it's a good thing that this furlough happened to all these "upper class" workers and there high status jobs. Maybe for once they can feel what its like to not have the security they typically live with everyday even if it is short lived, because in truth it wont last long, and soon they will be back toiling away on their computers making easy money while we as the blue collar people do whatever we can to make them comfortable.
I do have one exception that I think is a horrible and disgusting act about this whole thing. In no case should any government take away the pay of those that fight for a given country because they can't come to an agreement. It is absolutely ludicrous that the military is not getting paid. These guys put their lives on the line for duty, not so much freedom anymore because no one is taking that away, it's about duty now. They fight for this country, that's what they chose to do, they should get paid no matter what the situation. You don't see them getting furloughed to you. I have family and friends in the military, past and present, and it just make my head spin when I see things like this happen. They are the people that should make the 6 figure salary, after all you don't see a computer security specialist putting his life on the line to stop a computer virus. These guys see bullets, road side bombs, and deal with parts of the world we don't belong in yet I have to see a story posted about how some secretary is struggling to pay her cell phone bill!
If I get flak for this, fuck it, I already stated that I don't know enough about politics to argue. This is my opinion and because its an opinion it should only be taken as such. I have been there, I have been the guy who had to call his wife 2 weeks after their first child was born and tell her that I lost my job, had to watch consistently as our savings account dwindled to nothing. I have been down and out, and I have crawled my way back out of the whole, just barely, just to watch the government do whatever they can to push me back in. I live in Maryland, taxes are too high, housing cost to much and my wife and I struggle to make ends meet....but we do and we hold our heads high while we do it because no matter what life brings down upon us we will always have each other and that's good enough for me. Those of you with 6 figure salaries who want to sit there and cry about how hard life is because you got furloughed...put yourself in my shoes once, maybe then you will appreciate what it is you have and realize that their are those out there that struggle everyday, not just days their not getting paid. I made my choices, I live with them everyday and I wouldn't take back anything that I have done in my life, or changed any direction I have taken. I'm happy, and that's what matter's most. Its probably a little cliche but this is probably one of my favorite lines from any movie, and it speaks well to what the workforce of this country needs to do to make it better as a whole. we need to take back our country and try helping each other out instead of just trying to help ourselves out.
"Let me tell you something you already know.The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place, and I don’t care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard you hit, it’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done!"
Next time you want to complain about how bad your life is, try thinking about the little guy first, and maybe everything wont seem as bad. Be happy with what you have and don't complain because you cant get what you want, work hard for it, and you will get it. its that simple.
I have no sympathy for those laid off or furloughed because of their government positions and having to stay home without pay. I have family that is employed by the government so it's not like I'm not seeing what is happening, but why should I or anyone else feel sorry for them. They chose their career path's just like I chose mine, and they reap the rewards as well as the consequences of their decisions just like I do. What entitles these people who have cushy jobs and get everything handed them the right to bitch about not getting paid? These six figure salaries that they live paycheck to paycheck on because they constantly live outside their means. Why should I care that they can't pay for there $600 car payment because they bought a car that in truth they cant really afford. Truthfully, most people want government jobs, because they pay better and it's good job security.....most of the time.
There is a valid reason why I take exception to those that are crying foul about not getting there six figure salary bi-weekly. Just about 4 years ago my wife gave birth to our first child, a blessing to this day and still the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. Two weeks later I was laid off from my job, and was looking at a 6-12 month layoff before work would become available. I'm was not alone in this burden, there were 600-700 other men out of work with me, all hoping that something would break and we could all start providing for our families again. BUT, there were no articles about us not getting paid, there were no people telling their sob stories about how life is so hard and how we can't afford to put food on the table for our families. We as a collective were men and women with 5 figure salaries who truly live pay check to pay check and do everything possible to live inside out means. Who, once we get a inkling of something good happening, something bad happens right after to make the situation even worse. We were the ones who watched as bills piled up one after another on our kitchen tables and received phone calls about companies seeking payments that we couldn't make. Where were the news crews then, where was the sympathy for us when we sat in out homes shrouded in depression with the constant thought of not being able to make a house payment, put food on the table, possibly loosing their homes, and not being able to provide for their families. You know what we did...We shut the hell up, got up everyday, did what we needed to do, and survived to live another day. We didn't sob and cry about how much we suffered, or how hard it was, we found ways to make shit work, we found ways to put food on the table, we did what we needed to do because that's what real people do, that's what those of us who actually have to work for a living do to survive.
Whats funny about the whole thing is while we suffered, worked, and looked for ways to make ends meet, it was the government workers who could have cared less. Whats really funny, it is the blue collar guys like me, who make the 5 figure salary that are the ones who provided the conditioned, comfortable spaces that the 6 figure salary cry babies work in. If it wasn't for us, and when I say us I mean those that keep the wheels turning, the 6 figure snobs wouldn't have the luxury's they have today. We are the one's who do the dirty work, but were the one's who are looked down upon. So from my point of view it's a good thing that this furlough happened to all these "upper class" workers and there high status jobs. Maybe for once they can feel what its like to not have the security they typically live with everyday even if it is short lived, because in truth it wont last long, and soon they will be back toiling away on their computers making easy money while we as the blue collar people do whatever we can to make them comfortable.
I do have one exception that I think is a horrible and disgusting act about this whole thing. In no case should any government take away the pay of those that fight for a given country because they can't come to an agreement. It is absolutely ludicrous that the military is not getting paid. These guys put their lives on the line for duty, not so much freedom anymore because no one is taking that away, it's about duty now. They fight for this country, that's what they chose to do, they should get paid no matter what the situation. You don't see them getting furloughed to you. I have family and friends in the military, past and present, and it just make my head spin when I see things like this happen. They are the people that should make the 6 figure salary, after all you don't see a computer security specialist putting his life on the line to stop a computer virus. These guys see bullets, road side bombs, and deal with parts of the world we don't belong in yet I have to see a story posted about how some secretary is struggling to pay her cell phone bill!
If I get flak for this, fuck it, I already stated that I don't know enough about politics to argue. This is my opinion and because its an opinion it should only be taken as such. I have been there, I have been the guy who had to call his wife 2 weeks after their first child was born and tell her that I lost my job, had to watch consistently as our savings account dwindled to nothing. I have been down and out, and I have crawled my way back out of the whole, just barely, just to watch the government do whatever they can to push me back in. I live in Maryland, taxes are too high, housing cost to much and my wife and I struggle to make ends meet....but we do and we hold our heads high while we do it because no matter what life brings down upon us we will always have each other and that's good enough for me. Those of you with 6 figure salaries who want to sit there and cry about how hard life is because you got furloughed...put yourself in my shoes once, maybe then you will appreciate what it is you have and realize that their are those out there that struggle everyday, not just days their not getting paid. I made my choices, I live with them everyday and I wouldn't take back anything that I have done in my life, or changed any direction I have taken. I'm happy, and that's what matter's most. Its probably a little cliche but this is probably one of my favorite lines from any movie, and it speaks well to what the workforce of this country needs to do to make it better as a whole. we need to take back our country and try helping each other out instead of just trying to help ourselves out.
"Let me tell you something you already know.The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place, and I don’t care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard you hit, it’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done!"
Next time you want to complain about how bad your life is, try thinking about the little guy first, and maybe everything wont seem as bad. Be happy with what you have and don't complain because you cant get what you want, work hard for it, and you will get it. its that simple.
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