Lets be real for a minute. We all try to live the way we want, we are all selfish in that the things we do in our lives we do in the hope it will ultimately lead us to our desires. Deep down that's what life is, its everyone doing something to help themselves. NO ONE can look me in the eye and say that everything they do they do for others, or that they put others before them. Its just not possible, its beyond human nature to do so. Human nature tells us to do what is necessary to survive, procreate, and succeed. That's what it boils down to. Basically everyone has their own agenda. I don't mean to say that there are not people out there who do there best to help others in need, or just give a friend a hand or help the older generation when they need it, I am saying that each of us do this for a reason. There is a selfish reason why someone goes out of the way to do things for others, it might not be a bad thing, but in the end its always there. So there you have it, humans all work toward ulterior motives somewhere hidden in their actions. I do it, my family does it, people I work with do it, its just natural to do it because its part of who we are.
Their are problems that occur when this happens. Some of those people who want so desperately to reach their endgame go to extreme measures to complete their task. That's where the assholes, the murderers, the robbers, the terrorist come in to the equation. Then religion gets involved, which sparks even more controversy. Then you add another element, that of freedoms granted and what people feel is their duty to do, start shit for the sake of starting shit. look, I don't agree with a lot of whats going on in the world, but having protest in America is not going to stop the Muslim uprisings in the middle east. Yes, I call them uprisings, and I do it because that's what they are. Its HUMANS going to EXTREME measures to get what THEY WANT. You see it all the time throughout history, thousands/millions dying because one group views the other as inferior and claims their gods are the true gods. Prayer is an inner dialog with ones self to cope with the troubles of the day that they are experiencing, prayer is a way to give someone hope and to sooth the soul. Prayer is completed in just about every religion but yet one religion calls the other inferior.
Religion is cool for a few things, mainly hope and morals. The teachings really can establish a set of values for the young. other then that, religion is an excuse..for everything. I grew up baptist, and still consider myself to be, but I know now the true meaning behind religion and its teachings. I will be honest, I am not sure how I came to be on this subject, my initial intent was to blog about anger issues and how its hard to stay mentally stable when things just go to shit. Somehow my mind and fingers led me to this topic. Which is strange because in reality I am not even close to an expert on this, I am just opinionated. Maybe it spawned from the thought that using anger and greed to get what you want is a way of showing how truly selfish I really am. How all the things I want in life I want for me more than my family and friends. Is it bad that I put myself before others? Does it make me a horrible human being to want the comforts of life that I see everyone else around me get handed when I have to work so fucking hard to squeak by. Will I get judged because I think the need for some people to get what they want at the cost of others is the primary cause of fighting ANYWHERE in the world?
I will tell you straight up, I try and be the best I can everyday, and I am not. You cant, its impossible to do because too many factors effect the way you want things to go. Its really how you react to these unexpected difficulties that determines whether your in it for the long haul, or if you will take matters into your own hands and force the issue. I am not so good at handling situations when shit gets hairy, in fact I pretty much suck at it. I am short tempered, intense and on more then one occasion been called volatile. This is my fault and its been a fault since I can remember. The difference is, I get this way because I am not well versed on handling the situation, I don't however try and force the issue with my anger or intensity. I get mad and I stew, probably longer then most people. I dwell and doubt because its part of who I am. I hate it, I hate dwelling and getting so mad all the time. I hate doubting myself in front of others instead of having the confidence to be free of others judgement. The bad thing is, most people could probably give a shit less about me, but in my head, I feel like I'm failing...at EVERYTHING...in front of EVERYONE. Anger can be a good outlet, should a person know how to control it and communicate it. Look around the world at all those people (past and present) who are terrible at communicating their anger.
There are so many problems with today's world, it just is not fixable. Each and every person lives their lives with the intent of doing what they want, and some do not care about the harm that comes to those in their path. Gangs, murderers, extremist, terrorist. They all have that same human nature about them. They want something and will not let anyone stand in their way.
Sitting here, taking a deep breath, it occurs to me that there are moments when I just want to disappear. Pack my family up, take only the essentials and move to some remote place where I can live locally and raise my family in peace without the worry of who will push the button and cause the next great conflict. I enjoy being alone with my family, I enjoy doing things low key. I guess I could go the way of the extremist and drop everything and disappear and not tell anyone where my family and I went. Just leave them searching for me until the end of days. I do not deal with things well, both emotionally and mentally. Maybe it would be easier to run away to a place where I can live in peace with those I love the most. But that would be selfish wouldn't it. See no matter what you want or think is best it all boils down to one thing, Humans by nature are selfish always working toward our individual goals regardless of the consequences.
People like to voice their opinions, like when Robin Williams committed suicide two days ago, people commented that he took the easy way out and quit. Well maybe he didn't, maybe he realized what I do now. That people are selfish no matter how much you give them. Robin was in the acting business for 40 years, and still has 4 movies that have yet to premier. He participated in countless tours overseas to support troops and did many things to help people. Maybe it was us as the "normal" citizens that should look at ourselves in the mirror. We thank him now that he is gone for all that he did when he was with us, but did anyone ever take the time to thanks him while he was here. See we are all selfish, its human nature, just like its human nature to find the things that will make us most happy. even if that is death.Why is it always death that has to remind us that we are human? So I guess its OK to be angry, emotional, tired, excited...etc.
I can tell you, I am not depressed, but I do get sad. Emotion can be a beautiful thing, it tells us and those around us that something is happening whether it is good or bad. It shows we have a heart. My emotions tend to run stronger then others, I am quick to anger and just as quick to sadness. I do not consider this a curse, but a blessing, to feel is to live, to deny is to invite death. Embrace your emotion, be selfish about it, be emotional all the time, get angry, get sad, get happy, enjoy all the emotions that we were born with. That is the only way to live your life to the fullest. Enjoy all that is given to you, feel and smell the good and the bad, experience the feelings that the world offers...in the end...reach for the limits of the human experience and strive to be whatever it is you want to be but keep in mind to give others that freedom as well. let others enjoy life just as much as you do regardless of what they believe. There will always be those who want to do more harm then good, that my friends will never be avoided. Life is hard, that will never change. "to live, would be an awfully big adventure"-Robin Williams as PAN. BANGARANG!